In the last twenty years, I have brought up two kids on my own, worked part time initially to keep a roof over our heads and latterly, full time to maintain it. I have taken up painting and renewed my love of photography. I have had a couple of relationships and done a fair bit of online dating (see my other blog for details! ). In the last 18 months I have had 3 operations (now thankfully fully recovered), met and married the man of my dreams, moved house and my youngest has not only left home but gone to live and work in a central American country (which I have to say I am not too comfortable with!). Phew! So it’s safe to say, I have been busy the last couple of decades. I am a busy person. I love my job but I also have lots of hobbies and have even sold a couple of pieces of my art…..
And now I have been made redundant. I love this job and I am so incredibly sad about it ending, but I am also very excited about what might be round the corner.
I am lucky enough that I can live (carefully) for a while on the redundancy payment so I am not going to jump into anything too soon, I need time, time to re-balance myself. I have been squished and squeezed and rushed for so long, I need to find my space to breathe.
Tuesday was my first day at home, it was rather unexpected (my boss allowed me to only come into the office when I need to from now on), so I found myself at home. At first I thought I would start on that long list – the list most of us have of things we would do if we only had the time. Mine has 15 things on it so far – things like photography, art, gardening, web design, blogging….. I will never have enough time to do it all! Part of me is panicking about that already!
I had to drop something in town, so I walked… I took an hour to cover the 2 miles that would normally have whizzed past in the car, rushing to somewhere else. I had my camera with me, and took some shots. I really looked….. I saw. I felt. I took time, such a rare thing to do.
And I had the weirdest feeling. I didn’t need to be anywhere, nothing was calling on my time – for the first time in living memory. It was as if there was a rift in time and I had climbed through to another universe. A calmer, unrushed place where I could just be. There was no “time”.
Even after one walk into town, I feel more connected and grounded with my hometown than I did before. It was quite surreal.
I loved it!