The big reveal…..!

Last night was the private view of the exhibition at Jack House Gallery, Portsmouth and I have kept my largest piece under wraps (except some teasers on Instragram!) until now.  So here it is,  Heat Shield 458.

An armour-plated tunic made from the wrappers of HRT patches over the last two years, which took several weeks to sew. This represents every single patch I have used. HRT was a life saver for me, the hot flushes I experienced were intolerable.

 

One of the great things about this exhibition is it’s opened up the conversation about the menopause, I have had some very interesting chats and been able to educate people – men and women, about this huge event that we still don’t talk openly about enough.

See my menopause blog for more information!

 

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Not my body, not my mind

Imagine waking up one day and everything you thought you knew about yourself had changed. Going through the menopause recently was a frightening experience, nothing worked like it used to, my tastes changed, my mind changed, my body changed, everything was alien and to make things worse, I now also felt invisible to the wider world.

I decided to channel this experience into my art work and ‘Not my body, not my mind’ is an ongoing series that explores of the terror of waking up changed and the opportunities this brought.

Burning

Red, 2015

“Menopause is not a medical condition, it is an earthquake, shaking us to our deepest foundations, wiping out the edifices we’ve so carefully constructed on what we once imagined to be the solid ground of our life. Menopause hacks us open; it is the cleaving to end all cleaving.” Sharon Blackie. If Women Rose Rooted, 2016.

I remember clearly one day sitting on the kitchen floor just wondering who I was, there was nothing left I recognised.

Midnight Blue.
Today I don’t know what
I don’t know why
I don’t know who
Not knowing feels heavy
Midnight blue.
Ailsa Brims 2015

I thought, truly believed, that I would sail through menopause unscathed, I was totally unprepared.

I have now learnt that only 10-20% of women have the severe symptoms I experienced and perhaps there is nothing I could have done about that, but it came as a massive shock.

I was a stranger to myself” Tori Amos

Out of such massive catastrophic change comes opportunities. I could start again – be who I want to be, let go of the past. I have read a lot, experienced a lot of pain (some of which is expressed in my art) and grown immensely.

Yesterdays News2

Yellow 2017

Consequently, as I approach 55, I am stronger, more confident and calmer than I have ever been. I am sure of my talents and skills, confident that I am who I am. I have slowed down, become more mindful and become aware of what it is I want out of life. I am content.

My practice is focused on realising the somatic feelings and experiences of being a professional woman over 50. Due to the diverse nature of these feelings, I work intuitively with different media or genre depending on what I need to convey.

In the past I have explored the voids and liminal spaces in our minds that may feel uncomfortable. Liminal spaces, such as the menopause, are those that are neither one thing nor another, they are marginal, on the edge, and can be insecure and unstable. It can be uncomfortable and a dangerous place we are scared to cross, but crossing is transformative, we leave something behind and have a new start.

cof

Blue, 2018

I feel strongly that as a society we do not talk about menopause or understand the effect it has on the women going through it. This affects half the population and everyone can benefit from a clearer understanding of this time in a women’s life. During the preparation for this show I realised that I had never even discussed menopause with my own daughters! Our society seems to expect women to ‘suffer in silence’ and ‘be strong and carry on’ – and this thought perpetuates.

My work for this show came from real life events that I experienced recently:

  • ‘Heat Shield – 458 ’ 2018 – An armour-plated tunic made from the wrappers of HRT patches over the last two years, which took several weeks to sew. This represents every single patch I have used. HRT was a life saver for me, the hot flushes I experienced were intolerable.  See pictures here >>
  • ‘Yellow’ 2017 – Mixed media. I worked on this piece for many weeks before settling on this presentation. I started it the day I found out I had not even been given an interview for a job I was well qualified and able to do. The rejection was extremely painful (and came after other similar rejections) and so I felt completely invisible to the world of work once I turned 50.
  • ‘Red’ 2016 – Mixed media – making this work was therapeutic when I was experiencing some extreme symptoms of the menopause.
  • ‘Blue’ 2018 – Watercolour – I wrote this poem on a day in 2015 when I felt I had finally lost my mind.

The exhibition is on at Jack House Gallery, Old Portsmouth from 10th – 14th April 2018.

flyer-landscape2

You can find out more about my work at www.peppermintsea.com

Ageing beautifully

Two weeks ago I was given a lovely bunch of tulips and I have loved watching them age, and I realised today what a metaphor they are for growing older and seeing beauty where many might only see decay.

 

At first the flowers were upright and prim and proper and within a couple of days they had relaxed, swooped and let it all hang out.    Just like when we gain the self awareness of what’s important and not to worry about what other people think so much!

And now the tulips are two weeks old and definitely at the end of life.  But I find them more beautiful than ever before.  They have dropped petals to reveal the secrets within, their colours have deepened and become so varied and rich and their stalks, although bent and curved, are far more fascinating than before.

My work this year is about turning 50, feeling invisible in the world of work and the shock of the menopause which women are not prepared for – we all know it’s coming but who really understands what it actually means and what it could be like?    At Jack House Gallery in Old Portsmouth in April, I will be showcasing three new artworks which shed light on this time in my life.

In the meantime, enjoy these wonderful tulips which have given me so much pleasure  watching them age.

Click on the images for larger versions.

 

PS I have just been reminded of the beautiful pictures by John Blakemore – do check out his work here – there are several series on tulips – incredible work!